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Educating a Friend

Me: So, let's say that you're at school and you see a guy you know. I mean, you guys talk every once in a while and he's pretty cool, but you're not like friends or anything. You just talk to him every once in a while.
Guy Friend: What's his name?
Me: I don't know. Frank?
Guy Friend: No.
Me: Okay, fine. His name is Will. Okay?
Guy Friend: I don't think it really suits him, but okay.
Me: ...So anyway, you're at school during lunchtime and you see Will. So, you notice Will's not eating anything. That's when you realize that Will has no lunch, no money for lunch, and no way of getting either. He's just sitting there like he normally would. He's not acting any differently and he's not asking anyone for anything. Not money, not a fry, not even a salt packet, but you know he's gotta be hungry. So, what do you do?
Guy Friend: Do I have any money?
Me: Yeah. You have enough for you and another meal.
Guy Friend: Duh, I buy him lunch.
Me: Okay, cool. So, like you said, you buy him lunch. You buy your lunch and you buy his lunch and you go over and hand it to him. And, he says, "Wow. You know, that's really nice of you, but I wasn't gonna ask anyone for lunch. I was probably just gonna wait until I got home to eat." And, then you say--
Guy Friend: Nah, it's cool.
Me: Exactly. You say, "Nah, it's cool. I'm just being nice. It's a gift." And, Will says, "You know, that's awesome. You're really nice, bro." And, after that, you guys start hanging out. You guys are like really good buds. You are always hanging out and laughing and just having a good time. So, you guys are friends for a few months, and it's tons of fun. Then, one day, you go up to Will and you say, "Hey, Will, you know, I've been thinking, and I kinda want that five bucks."
Guy Friend: What five bucks?
Me: Hold on. I'm getting there. So, Will says, "What five bucks?" To which, you reply, "Well, we've been hanging out for a long time and it's been really fun, but like, I've done a lot of really nice things for you. Like, I'm always nice to you and I always listen and do things you wanna do, so I was thinking that because I've been so nice, you should pay me back that five bucks I spent to get your lunch right before we started really hanging out."
Guy Friend: What? Why would I--
Me: I'm not done yet. So, then Will looks kinda hurt and he says, "But I thought you were just being nice. I thought that was just a gift." So, you say, "Whether or not it was a gift, don't you think you kinda owe me that five bucks since I've been so nice to you?" And, Will says, "No. I don't think I owe you that!" And you get mad, so you say, "Well, I think that you do, so I think you're being really shitty and stuck up about this and I feel like I've been completely wronged."
Guy Friend: Oh, my God. That's so fucked up of me. I would never do that to Will. Will was nice. We were buds. That's way screwed.
Me: I know, right? Hey, just wondering, have you ever heard of this fictional place called "The Friendzone?"
Guy Friend: Well, yeah, but...
Guy Friend: ...
Guy Friend: ...
Guy Friend: oh



Improved Women In Suits

I don’t know who that person is but the grey suit 2nd to last is my aesthetic

You probably know already but it’s Lady Deathstrike in the second X-men film, X2.

(via immortal-jelly)

(via amazingphil)



Guinea Pigs are natural swimmers, but have to be introduced to the water slowly so they don’t panic

[posting without comment]

(via fishingboatproceeds)

Thoughts on the hunger games

So this is a text post and it might run long, it’s going to be a bit stream of consciousnessy and also I’m writing it as if it were a series of tweets, because that’s just the way I think these days. Enjoy I guess!

SPOILER ALERT: This contains spoilers to “The hunger games” trilogy, a series of awesome and somewhat decent books that I would recommend you reading. This spoils every book, specifically the last book. Seriously just stop reading this if you don’t want to have the whole thing utterly ruined.

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Yeah…I mean, not always…but often…

(Source: nedhepburn)

I’ve been sitting trying to come up with a joke at the expense of the men’s rights movement and all that’s happened is I’ve bummed myself out that these people really exist.

Decision time

I want to write. I want to make games. I want to make youtube videos. I want to play games.

Turns out I can’t do that many things at once. So I have to choose 2 of them really.

I’m thinking making games and writing should be my focuses. And to play games where I can as a break from them.

I’m not sure. I put quite a bit into youtube but I don’t really enjoy making videos anymore.

Constant companion

Lurking around,
Under every sound,
A note so clear,
It’s all I hear,
Making symbols proud,
And silence loud,
Tinnitus is here to stay,
It will never go away.

Consent and coercion

This is uneducated advice and should be taken as opinion not fact. This is not legal advice and should be verified in your country and taken with a grain of salt.

I have done my best to avoid sexual threat in this post but trigger warning just in case!

It is my belief that this topic cannot be covered enough and after talking with my girlfriend at length about it I wanted to do a blog post as it was not taught to me in school and is of critical importance.

Consent is the explicit verbal or nonverbal agreement to a question, situation or action by an individual with their full faculties. Consent is a legal term that has many deffinitions across the world. It can be an enthusiastic nod or a shouted yes, however it must be explicit, obvious and may not be interpreted as anything else. A smile is an expression, it is not consent.

Consent to one action is not consent to all actions. Holding someones hand is not opening the door for kissing. It may be a suggestion but it is not a go ahead.

Dissent is explicit or illicit, nonverbal or verbal dissagreement with a situation, question or action. It is saying no or even suggesting no. It is also a legal term with its own definitions. Dissent is allowed to be implicit and as such can come in many forms. A push away. A headshake. Saying no. All acceptable forms of dissent.

Dissent to one action is not dissent to all actions however it *is* a stopping point. After dissent it is wise to always clarify boundaries.

You may now be thinking “Shit do I got’sta ask if someone wants to continue every five minutes?!!” Well.. you can and indeed some people do but this is not the generally accepted approach. You do however need to look for nonverbal signs of consent at all times though for most people this is automatic. When your boyfriend pulls back you tend to ask “what’s up?”.

Asking for consent is not a bad idea however and it doesn’t have to be stiff and awkward. “May I grab your leg?” Isn’t as sexy as taking eye contact and nonverbally gesturing for a leg grab. It can also be fun, “What would you like me to do now?” Can be a very fun way of asking for consent. “Can I kiss you?”, “Does that feel okay?” It’s easy to make things feel natural and comfortable.

It’s also fine to check how your partner is during activities, a quick “you okay?” goes a long way to help you and your partner feel comfortable. It also helps you to understand your partners needs better, they may be uncomfortable and want a pillow or glass of water or just to stop whatever you are doing for a bit.

There are a lot of situations where consent cannot be given. Again consent is a legal term and many countries have an age of consent for sexual activities. In the UK this is at 16 years of age but we also have legal adulthood which is 18 whereby you can sign contracts without parental consent.

The situstions where consent cannot be given fall roughly into 3 categories:
1) When you are being coerced. (More on this below)
2) When you lack the ability to give consent due to accident, injury, illness, disability, intoxication and lack of consciousness. This is not a comprehensive list.
3) Where you are legally unable due to age.

Yes. Being drunk/high means you cannot give consent. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t drink and sex.

Coercion is insidious, it is the manipulation of others to fulfil your own desires. Often coercion and persuasion are confused as being the same thing however they have some crucial differences.

Persuasion is nonviolent, nonaggressive suggestion. It aims to convince someone to partake in an activity of their own accord. Persuading your mother to play minigold might look like this:
You: “Fancy joining us for a game of minigolf?”
Your mun: “Maybe, I’m not sure.”
You: “Do you know how to play?”
Your mun: “Yeah but I’m not in the mood I think.”
You: “Okay well we will be over here playing and you can join us later if you like.”

Coercion is the use of threat, force, power, position or influence to force someone to fulfil your desire. If you were to coerce your mother to play minigolf it may look like this:
You: “Fancy joining us for a game of minigolf?”
Your mother: “Maybe, I’m not sure.”
You: “If you don’t play you’ll regret it. You have to play or I wont drive you home.” Etc.

We have all been coerced, “Do the dishes or you’re grounded!” We have all coerced people, “Give me back my toy or I will scream!” It isn’t always the worst thing you can do but it is a dangerous behaviour pattern and can lead to or be used for abuse.

Coercion is a much loved tool or abusers and bullies. If you find yourself coercing someone else I advise you to apologise and to abadon the activity or desire.

Consent is incredibly important to understand because it is clear that to some people it is not an obvious idea or one they have experience with. The idea of actions leading to further actions is ingrained in us and it is not always obvious that we should ask permission with each new action.

Stay safe and I hope this helped someone.